
We live in an increasingly mad world with truth, facts, sanity under assault from every direction. There’s a US president who lies as he breathes, one charitably assumes because of some personality disorder, which, as luck (his) had it, has turned into a tried and trusted technique for fending off criticism for dodgy dealings.


I’ve always been reasonably good at cherry-picking nuggets of certainty whatever the source – idiots sometimes stumble on a great truth and heroes do have feet of clay. But it is increasingly hard-going establishing what is knock-on-wood irrefutable fact in the face of a blizzard of misinformation.

All of the above being the macrocosmic problem which is mirrored in miniature in enmeshed families. All families have a mindset, an accepted outlook, brainwash to a degree if you will. At the extreme end of the spectrum, one paranoid parent’s take on ‘reality’ is forcibly imposed on the others, as a bulwark against a threatening outside world. Cults operate in the same way. No individual within the system is allowed to think their own thoughts, test out their reality against the distortions they are being force-fed. If they do, they are harassed, excluded or even killed.
Working with abuse survivors makes it obvious how destructive denying reality can be, never mind any additional emotional and physical damage suffered. "If I apologize, my father will let me back in. We will be one big, unhappy family again. I might lose my mind, but I won't lose my parents. It's a short trip to the edge of the cliff." Linda Katherine Cutting: Memory Slips. Gas-lighting in abusive marriages serves the same function of persuading the battered spouse to doubt what they know to be true of their psychologically damaged partner.

As the outsider to this game, I’d be very grateful if both would sort themselves out and a) get real and b) get honest; and if that proves impossible, find a good shrink to disentangle their fiction from fact.
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